IN SEARCH OF MIKE PENCE'S BALLS
A commission has been convened to attempt to determine if vice president Mike Pence has balls and, if so, where they are. The question of Mike Pence's balls have been swirling for some time, ever since footage was aired following a 2017 Cabinet meeting when Pence, along with several other Cabinet members, unashamedly licked Trump's ass for several degrading minutes while Trump ate Pence's fawning praise with a spoon.
The issue has once again been brought to the forefront in the wake of Pence's recent trip to Ireland where, at the president's suggestion, Pence stayed in a Trump owned property in Doonbeg which is three hours west from where Pence was meeting in Dublin. Rather than tell Trump to "Suck it. I'm not driving three hours out of my way just to stay at your golf resort." Pence exposed his lily white underbelly and agreed to his master's unreasonable request because, well, no balls.
"We are confident that vice president Pence has balls and we will be able to locate them." stated Senator Will Bunky, (R) the man appointed to head the commission. "His wife, Karen, has already testified that she has seen them on at least one prior occasion." She further confirmed that they resembled "a pair of shriveled plums.."
Whether or not Pence's balls can be located has yet to be determined but one thing seems clear; if one is willing to take a subservient position to an ignorant, immature, ill-mannered man-child then having one's own set of balls is probably not especially useful in the performance of one's duties.
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