Capt. Crankypants

BREAKING NEWS: CLIMATE SCIENCE  IS NOT REAL

A groundbreaking new report issued by the Organization for Climate Science Denial proposes that not only is climate change not real, but that climate science itself is a hoax as well. "People have been claiming that climate change is real for years based on the findings of climate science but we've discovered that climate science is a fraud based on no real science at all." said Milo Smegma, a spokesman for the OCSD. "This is a game changer." Mr. Smegma continued. "Now we can deny climate change with even greater certainty than ever before."

"Totally made up!" - Milo Smegma

When asked to outline the science that supports his claims, Mr. Smegma said, "So there's the climate and people say that the storms are bigger and more frequent, the temperature is rising and the world is getting hotter, the polar icecaps are melting, based on this people start crying it's the climate change boogeyman! We have to stop it or we're all gonna die! It's panicky and uncalled for."

When pressed for the actual science that disproves climate science, Mr. Smegma replied, "It's clear that there is no science at work here. Climate change is a hoax meant to curtail oil production and the burning of reliable fossil fuels. These are resources the world needs and this misguided left-wing effort to demonize their production and use is a load of tree-hugger hooey!"

When it was pointed out that none of this appears to have any scientific backing to support it, Mr. Smegma responded, "Science isn't necessary where the truth is obvious. Do we need science to tell us that water is wet, or that snow is cold? These are obvious truths like climate change being a hoax. So if climate change is an obvious hoax then any science that supports it is clearly a hoax as well."

When asked for his credentials as spokesman for the OCSD, Mr. Smegma replied, "I have a PhD in common sense from the University of Lifelong Experience and I have the clarity of thought that my conservative values provide me."

We're calling this actual fake news.