Capt. Crankypants

PRAY YOUR TROUBLES AWAY

Seeking to put an immediate end to the impeachment inquiry into the Trump White House, Vice President Mike Pence has tapped into his Christian powers of prayer and turned to God for help. Pence has been leading daily prayer requests, beseeching the Almighty to intervene on his behalf and stop the impeachment against Trump from proceeding.

Holy Father, please protect our corruption 
and smite our Democrat persecutors.

"He prays all the time, usually for the swift passage of Republican legislation but lately there's been a lot of requests for help with the impeachment." said Dem Senator Hank Branch. "I'm not sure if he expects God to reach down and use his God powers to make us forget about impeachment or if he's hoping all the Democratic members of the House spontaneously combust but he's clearly waiting for something to take place."

So far, Pence's prayers have gone unanswered as the impeachment continues to expand with each new outrage and act of defiance coming from Trump including a written notification to the impeachment committee that the White House will not cooperate with the inquiry and branding it as unconstitutional. An unusual charge to make against a procedure outlined in the Constitution.

Regardless, Pence continues his daily entreaties certain that God will come through for him. "There will be no impeachment of this President. It's wrong and Heaven won't allow it. It's just a matter of persistence. I will continue to pray until my prayers are answered and the Power of God prevails. His will be done." Pence said.

And what if God's will is that Trump be impeached and removed and all those who were complicit are met by the full force of law?

"That is not God's will."

I guess we'll see.