Capt. Crankypants

MONETIZING THE AFTERLIFE

When you consider all the dead talent there is: Freddie Mercury, Michael Jackson, David Bowie, Mozart, Beethoven, Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, Fred Astaire, Judy Garland, Elvis, Michelangelo, Edgar Allen Poe, Charles Dickens, Marilyn Monroe, Houdini and on, and on, and on...

If there was an afterlife, wouldn't all these dead artists still want to be practicing their craft? What happens once you've died and gone to Heaven? Do you just lose all interest in everything that meant something to you in life? If not, why wouldn't God have a company -- let's call it, the Dead Talent Agency -- and contract this amazing pool of talent out to continue to produce work here on Earth?

Is Hendrix just sitting around Heaven, plucking his guitar without an audience for eternity? What a waste! God needs to monetize the afterlife. There's a mountain of money to be made with all that classic talent just hanging out with nothing to do. Think about it; what would you pay for the NEXT album from Prince, or the NEXT book by HP Lovecraft?

God is sitting on a goldmine!

Before someone replies "But Cranky, you're an atheist." Sure but if I'm wrong and there is an afterlife, doesn't what I'm saying make sense? I'm not and there isn't but it's still fun to speculate.

What dead artist would you most like to hear from again?