Capt. Crankypants

TRUMPLAND THEME PARK IN DEVELOPMENT

Taking their cue from all the fun and adventure that is the Trump administration, FlubbCo Inc., a Chigago based entertainment company specializing in immersive family friendly experiences is currently in the design stage of a new theme park that will cater to the feverish and irrational love President Trump's base has for the embattled 45th Commander-in-Chief -- Trumpland.

The company pitched the project to Trump after a $70,000 donation to his re-election campaign. The President loved the idea and signed off on it committing to a budget of $1.7B in government funding for the project approved by Trump himself who redirected the money from Medicare, Social Security and the VA to pay for the park.

Trumpland Concept Art

"Trumpland will be a fun for the whole family kind of experience. A Donald Trump Disneyland, so to speak. It will feature shops, restaurants and plenty of rides that will put our guests right inside the carnival-like atmosphere of the Trump administration." said Rex Bletch, a public relations spokesman for FlubbCo. "We're going to give the Trump support base a unique and memorable odyssey into President Trump if President Trump were a theme park."

The park will open with 23 rides that include:

 - The Poller Coaster -- Like Trump's poll numbers this rollercoaster has peaks and drops but none of them are very big. It's about 38% of a good rollercoaster ride. It's not very exciting but it's reliable.

 - The Tweeter-Totter - A thrilling ride that sends guests spinning and revolving across multiple axes of motion while random Trump tweets are displayed on screens positioned around the ride.

 - Whack-a-Dem - Modeled after its namesake, WaD puts guests in control of a laser rifle that activates a hammer when the bullseye is hit and brings the hammer down on effigies of prominent Democrats like Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren and, of course, AOC among many others.

 - The 2nd Amendment Shooting Gallery - Pick up an AR-15 and aim for the the blue circles on the protesters at an anti-Trump rally on a hi-res display. The more you kill, the more you score. Pick off more than 100 anti-Trumpers and win a Certificate of Achievement. Sponsored by the NRA.

 - Space Force: Space Combat Adventure -- Board a Space Force Fighter and launch into a pitched battle against an army of Democrats armed with blasters trying to block funding for the much needed Space Force. Fight your way to full funding by eliminating the Democrat hordes.

There will be plenty of Trump merchandise and restaurants serving Trump's favorite foods so expect lots of McDonald's and KFC to fill those rumbling tummies.

The park is scheduled to open in Nashville, TN in the Summer of 2024 or as Trump puts it "Near the end of my second term and close to the start of my third."