NEW SPONSOR -- FREDONIA BOARD OF TOURISM

Are you tired of taking expensive vacations to exotic destinations located halfway around the world? Ate you sick of all the hassle involved with documentation, passports, currency exchange, language barriers, and clashes of culture?

You don't need to go wreck diving in Micronesia, tour the pyramids at Giza, or scale Kilimanjaro to have a memorable vacation. All you need is to come visit beautiful Fredonia NY!

We even have a gazebo! Everybody loves a gazebo!

Fredonia offers small town charm with big city aspirations. Come see a movie in our theater,  drive down our road, stop in at any one of our many bars and get a much needed drink. This is also home to Fredonia State University where you can come cheer on the FSU Blue Devils then go out for more drinks at one of the many bars we mentioned earlier. There's lots of trees that turn pretty colors in the Fall and if you're feeling the lure of the beach, we have the sparkling blue waters of spectacular Lake Erie within easy driving distance overlooking the serene remains of the Niagara Mohawk Power Plant.

We also have buildings where people work and homes where they live at the end of the day. There's a few doctors available if you're feeling ill and a couple of funeral parlors if things take a turn for the worse.

So forget taking that 20-hour flight to New Zealand -- planes crash all the time -- and take a nice safe 3-hour flight to magnificent Fredonia, NY and bask in the quiet charms of this lovely Western NY hamlet.

TRUMP UNSURE WHO TO BLAME FOR LOW POLL NUMBERS

President Trump isn't doing so well at the moment.

The soon to be ex-president is racking his "brain" in an attempt to find someone to blame for how badly he's doing in the polls. According to every poll taken, Trump is losing by a wide margin to his Dem rival, Joe Biden. A man Trump describes as slow and boring.

President Trump making a boom-boom during
a speech about absolutely nothing.

Trump can't understand how this is possible. He knows it's not anything he's done, his performance as president has been exemplary so it has to be the fault of someone else, someone secretly working against him. Trump is determined to weed out this conspirator and make an example of  him or her in a public firing event that he plans on airing live on Fox News with color commentary by Sean Hannity and Judge Jeanine Pirro in a 25,000 seat arena.

"Whoever's behind this is a loser!" said Trump during a live phonecall that was broadcast on Fox & Friends last week. "I hate losers because I'm a winner. Winners hate losers. When I find this person, I'm gonna have my amazing military people execute him for treason. Trying to screw with my re-election is treason!" Trump ranted angrily during the call. "As president, I can execute anyone I want!" he added. "I don't even need a reason." 

Things look grim now but Trump is certain once he finds and fires the individual responsible that he'll be back to winning bigly just like he always does. "Once we find the little sh-t responsible for these poll numbers I'll be back on top where I belong!"

Someone on staff has yet to explain to Trump that he can't actually execute people.

THE TRUMP PRESIDENTIAL PORTRAIT

So we can all remember Trump's time as the President of the United States.