Capt. Crankypants

HOW DESPERATE IS DONALD?

With the election looming in only three weeks and the President tanking in just about every poll taken Donald Trump is becoming increasingly desperate in the face of a hopeless chance at re-election. What is a malignant narcissist to do when faced with the soul crushing reality that you suck and everyone hates you?

Trump's Director of
Spellcasting 

Why you do anything, of course and Donald Trump is prepared to do just that. To this end, Trump has retained the services of a mystic gypsy woman to cast spells on the Biden campaign, The nature of these spells is not known but the Trump campaign has been spending their money on a lot of weird things like eye of newt, toe of frog, and penis of orangutan. The only comment Trump has made about her is that he wishes she were "hotter."

"You have to understand, the President can't lose this election, his ego will shatter." said Bo Muck, a Trump campaign staffer. "The President can't handle losing because if he loses then he's a loser. He'd rather see the country burn down than lose this election and he's willing to do just that to win."

Trump's delicate ego notwithstanding, he is losing but he's also cheating as fast as he can so who knows how this madness is going to end. Someone will be inaugurated on Jan 20, 2021 and we may not truly know who it is until then.